i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
