his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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