I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
