My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
