I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
