Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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