He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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