i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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