PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
