I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize