Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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