He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
