I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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