yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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