hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
