I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
