So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
