I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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