The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
