and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
