Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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