so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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