I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
