I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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