Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
