i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am available for nakedness
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
