the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
