Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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