I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
