i just had sex bonerless
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
