Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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