I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
