the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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