I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
