Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
