Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
