1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
