took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
well, you know. whores of a feather.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
