What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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