His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my being single is dangerous.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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