she woke up with a sticky ear
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
