Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
