He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
