Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
