I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
