dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
