Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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