you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
this hospital has no fireball
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
