these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Never let your siblings swipe right.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
