Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
