Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
