i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
