i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
