ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
