"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
